Marriage as an institution

 

Henry Blofield, the famous cricket commentator used to say, whenever someone missed an easy catch, " dear oh dear that's a costly miss". 

 

I feel repeating that to the so-called academic breed of sociologists turned media voices when they miss many obvious facts, " dear oh dear these costly ones emanating from selective amnesia and collective indifference which masquerade as liberal social concern by clandestinely slipping some selective phrases ' as in some Hindu marriages, family centric bla bla'.  ( They are not aware that other religions too have traditions, so much so, that in some cases marriages must be solemnized only inside the religious institution to get legitimized) .

 

These social apologists will term bucolic beauty as rustic roughness according to their narratives.  

 

 

It is unfortunate that modern day journalists tend to 'overlook the nuances and try to fix facts to fit into their preconceived opinions'.

 

Let us not abdicate our duty to enable better understanding or improvement, especially when we write for the public using a public forum on topics of social importance having certain ethical values.

 

 

 

Let us not quote the scriptures to vindicate our stand nor coat the topic with ideologically predetermined narratives to indicate our opinions.

 

 

Once the real purpose of the institution of marriage is viewed without bias and not trying to sound liberal and sensational, then, only then, there would be better understanding of the much deeper and wider significance.

 

Romance, sex, personal interactions, fights, arguments, pleasant moments between couples need total privacy in marital life.

 

However, there are various aspects of married life which go beyond the bedroom but need not jump immediately, into the public domain or court rooms in case of some not so easily resolvable conflicts between the couples. 

 

For, marriage has always been and is still, considered primarily as a relationship involving cohabitation with cooperative participation with situationally required reciprocal responsibilities and responses rather than a contract of obligations or predefined roles of adjustments, compromises, and responsibilities. 

 

The institution of marriage as involving the near and dear friends , relatives and extended families are to act as:-

 

1. A comfort cushions or zones

 

2. Diversions from or cooling off from the heat of hyper insulated romance or

 

3. Safety belts or protective sheaths to seek help, engage in consultations with elderly who have gone through similar experiences.

 

4. Also sometimes to facilitate a justifiable, amicable, practical and adequate compensation of various factors which are beyond and besides the scope of prolonged legal battles.

 

Coming to the topic of ' Marriage'. Let us keep away all those not so intrinsic aspects of ' marriage' like the whole gamut of  religious, ritualistic, traditional, cultural, legal issues, if required, even do away with all sorts of wedding related festivities and celebrations ( a very big industry - which we cannot afford to overlook or ignore).

 

 

Human species ( I can't use the term beings - then my partiality will be questioned as to how come I can consider other species as not beings- I can't use the old style of man is a..... then, my gender bias will be in question) has certain unique features ( fortunately or unfortunately) that make them into ' Social species ( not animals or beings) with conscious memory, multiple tools to record, document, retrieve and refer to various experiences over a few decades, if not centuries.

 

Social species includes, but is obliged to extend beyond purely ' personal', ' independent', 'individual' ( all of the above are extremely important) to collective living. 

 

These social species, have, therefore, an added responsibility to adhere to certain basic ethics and value systems for the overall benefit of every individual ( personally) and the collectively because this species is, in many aspects, not 'absolutely independent'- though obviously in certain aspects independent- but ' predominantly interdependent, interrelated and interconnected' and therefore, adherence to certain ethics/values are warranted beyond the personal and individual liberties. 

 

I shall come to the topic of discussion which you have written at the end after meandering further into certain general observations which I feel compelled to convey to the narrow perspective based narrative peddling media persons.

 

 

Here in comes the need for institutions and/ or organizations with various names and formats which enable the free flow or freedom ( much misused word) of personal or individual or independent talents, views, activities, wishes to flourish but with , a definite ' but with'  certain 'systems, norms, rules, regulations, procedures etc leading to certain codes of conduct that are collectively beneficial and less destructive to ensure social harmony.

 

However, these have a built-in caveat that any or all of the rules may be/ can be and some cases , must be subject to modifications, total revamp, change according to the exigencies of time, context, trends, transformations, inevitable transitions, reactions and so on, as these, socio- cultural norms are flexible in most aspects but uncompromising in certain fundamental values/ethics which have been well nurtured and nourished through times.

 

Most aspects of these institutions are based on ' real life experiences' over time and the overall impact on the individual of the species  as well as the milieu of spaces inhibited by these species, called society.

 

 

In short, these institutions have certain time-tested values with the flexibility to all sorts of modifications, unlike the  'petrified ideological doctrinaire fixations' that have emanated mostly out of mere academic exercises combined with verbal diarrhea ( appropriating terminologies which had an aura like intellectual, liberal, free thinking, rational etc.) but a proven track record of utter failure, even in protecting life and livelihood of these species. 

 

Even in your newspaper there are rules or regulations as to what must be the front page news, what must be the headlines, what can be tugged in as editorial, sports items, entertainment news, updates from the world of commerce etc. 

 

Newspapers,  have the liberty to criticize, critically evaluate everything and everyone. It also has space to carry on fiction like the once unending series of Tarzan story in cartoon format ( it was a pleasure reading that especially for children in an era when no other media was around and the elder folks were glued to political news). 

 

Before, I proceed to the topic, I would like the following quotation to get internalized by narrow perspective based narrative peddling media persons to avoid the narrowness, " In the end nothing less than the whole of everything can be the truth of anything at all”- William James and develop a humility and grasp reality through reading these quotes. * 

 

I am one who advocates, the following:- Talk by Kathryn Schulz: On being wrong | Video on TED.com  www.ted.com and reading  A.E.M. JOAD's essay  titled "That There is no such thing as Morality" and along with that BERTRAND RUSSEL'S "IN PRAISE OF IDLENESS" . Works of John Brockman books become interesting reading namely, his books ( imbued with facts and fantastic interpretations) like 'THIS IDEA MUST DIE', 'WHAT IS YOUR DANGEROUS IDEA', 

'This Idea Is Brilliant' ( Lost, Overlooked, and Underappreciated Scientific Concepts Everyone Should Know), 

 

Pierre Lecomte du Noüy's ' HUMAN DESTINY',  James Trefil's, ' 101 Things You Don't Know about Science and No One Else Does Either’  (It must be 1001 now).

*

" I have approximate answers and possible beliefs in different degrees of certainty about different things, but I’m not absolutely sure of anything"- Richard Feyman .

 

Voltaire, “Four thousand volumes of metaphysics will not teach us what the soul is”. 

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson, " We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole: the wise silence, the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul. “Excerpt from The Over- Soul.

 

Idries Shah, "Study the assumptions behind your actions. Then, study the assumptions behind your assumptions.” 

 

Aldous Huxley, "For in spite of language, in spite of intelligence and intuition and sympathy, one can never really communicate anything to anybody [I may add only through intellectual analysis/verbal communication].”

 

Life is never fulfilled with unfulfilled relationships within the family, with others in the society, with the environment, with the many sciences, subjects, systems that we come across which are useful to us, used by us or we are used by them and so on. So, the quality of life is the manifestation of the quality of the inter play of these various relationships. Everything has its relevance and appeal to different souls at various levels. That's why we cannot deny or defy the importance of anything or anyone.  

 

 

Life is functionally a dynamic energy; visually a multi-faceted splendour; in reality a marvelous mystery which unfolds itself through each and every one of us at every moment. Therefore, life cannot be either generalized in any manner or simplified into any predefined categories. 

 

Life continues to evolve in its dynamic energy every moment and constantly throws up challenges in varying degrees and intensities, in different dimensions and at unexpected intervals. 

 

Wisdom is to live in the present context and to practice certain time-tested values which have relevance in present context but with global perspective to bequeath a livable planet, a lovable society with lovely ecosystems and improved living conditions. Scott Atran, a respected Anthropologist called Religion as “belief in hope beyond reason”.

 

Oversimplifications or sweeping generalizations must be avoided. “Across planes of consciousness, we have to live with the paradox that opposite things can be simultaneously true.” ― Ram Dass.  

 

We cannot analyze anything and everything through ideological fixations and subject them as well purely to satisfy socio- political justifications and surreptitiously insert opinionated narratives.

 

We must also know that everything has its own inherent attributes, intrinsic values, internal mechanism, and logic for its existence besides, beyond, exclusive of and unmindful of human intellectual justifications, acceptance, acknowledgement, social approvals, political support and therefore , it is purely absurd to extrapolate anything with specific ideological fixations. A whole gamut of things and factors that go on to develop an intellect, many more to define one and a lot to acquire that label which enable to deliver the real universal wisdom. 

 

Human knowledge, even with all the advantages of technological advancements enabled accessibility and availability hubris, still navigates in the orbit of finiteness.  

 

Whatever they be and however well packaged they are be they surveys, statistics, spread sheets all are meaningful abstractions and presentations of multiple facets and factors like randomness, measurable patterns, easily understandable classifications, blue prints or outlines or guide lines projecting or superimposing the trajectory of trends etc. of real events, activities, actionable remedial measures of PEOPLE who are involved or impacted by or responsible for such events or activities and circumstances which went on to create those factors or facets.

 

"Scientists use whichever methods help them understand the world: drudge like tabulation of data, experimental derring-do, flights of theoretical fancy, elegant mathematical modelling, kludgy computer simulation, and sweeping verbal narrative" -karl popper. 

 

"All the methods are pressed into the service of two ideals, and it is these ideals that advocates of science want to export to the rest of intellectual life. The first is that the world is 'Intelligible'. The phenomena we experience may be explained by the principles that are deeper than the phenomena themselves." “The second ideal is that we must allow the world to tell us whether our ideas about it are correct, i.e. consistency with empirical evidence". 

 

Vulnerabilities are unavoidable but leaving them unobserved, unattended and unaddressed is bad. "I was at the age when one felt like one needed to read everything, which prevented one from making contemplative stops"- Taleb. This happens to most of us. 

 

In a way it is good initially, more the merrier. Then we end up getting lost with excess of fuzziness than real assimilation. The INSTINCT/IMPULSE to filter and be selective come with prejudices and biases to NARROWING DOWN on only a few things. 

 

However, the ABILITY to do so come with enhanced matured way to choose and to decide and end up CONSOLIDATING our radius of receptivity. Sometimes, many other factors like time constraints and lack of resources limit our options. I cannot resist quoting my favorite author here. “The ability to choose an action that best satisfies conflicting goals is not an add-on to intelligence that engineers might slap themselves in the forehead for forgetting to install! It IS intelligence"- Steven Pinker 

 

 

 “Understanding does not obey Moore's Law: knowledge is acquired by formulating explanations and testing them against reality, not by running an algorithm faster and faster. Devouring the information in the Internet will not confer omniscience either: big data is still finite data, and the universe of knowledge is infinite" - Steven Pinker. He also writes, “if narratives without statistics are blind, statistics without narratives are empty". Summing up the whole thing I would like to add that life is injected into the spread sheets only when one SYNERGIZES them with underlying HUMANITARIAN WELFARE and long-term ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT based on RATIONAL OUTLOOK and SCIENTIFIC APPROACH with CONTEXTUAL RELEVANCE and ensuring not to hurt the SENTIMENTS and VALUE THE SOCIO-CULTURAL SENSITIVITIES of the people involved. 

 

Surveys, statistics, spread sheets are meaningful abstractions and presentations of multiple facets and factors like randomness, measurable patterns, trajectory of trends and so on of real events, activities, actionable remedial measures of people who are involved or impacted by or responsible for such events or activities and circumstances which went on to create those factors or facets. Life is injected into the spread sheets only when one synergizes with underlying human and environmental factors. “Everything changes as you move through three stages of awareness: first, that beliefs are the result of conditions; second, that beliefs are the cause of conditions; and third, that beliefs are themselves conditions.”― Eric Micha'el Leventhal.

 

 “All of us have our own inner fears, beliefs, opinions. These inner assumptions rule and govern our lives. A suggestion has no power in and of itself. Its power arises from the fact that you accept it mentally.”― Joseph Murphy, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. 

 

“We must realize that the subconscious mind is the law of action and always expresses what the conscious mind has impressed on it. What we regularly entertain in our mind creates a conception of self. What we conceive ourselves to be, we become.” Grace Speare.

 

 

Ideally the best book of slogans and sayings that modern day media persons need to read must be titled "Nothing is a Taboo", with chapters on "know the nuances", "calibrate everything to contextual relevance" etc. 

 

I feel there is lot of wisdom in the following piece which Phenella writes in “The Unwritten Comedy”.

 

“To be ignorant of many things is expected

To know you are ignorant of many things is the beginning of wisdom.

To know a category of things of which you are ignorant is the beginning of learning.

To know the details of that category of things of which you are ignorant is to no longer be ignorant.”