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Tuesday, November 12, 2013


What they are?  And why blossom into beautiful journeys? why they fail?

Why they are pleasing as well puzzling?

Why they are a pleasure as well as a problem?

Why they are important in life?

Etymologically with various possibilities, it referred to some act of connecting and/or communicating, whether we take it from Anglo-French relacioum’ meaning ‘act of telling’ or Old French  relacion’ meaning ‘connection’  or from Latin relationem’ meaning ‘a bringing back’ or  ‘proposition’ or relatus’ meaning ‘person related by blood or marriage’.

From these basic meanings it has migrated magnificently broad enough to connote and include a very wide spectrum of connectivity starting from physical to metaphysical, psychological to social to spiritual etc.

So definitely the word Relationship must not be confined to the arc of mating radar.

Life is never fulfilled with unfulfilled relationships within the family, with others in the society, with the environment, with the many sciences, subjects, systems that we come across which are useful to us, used by us or we are used by them and so on. So, the quality of life is the manifestation of the quality of the inter play of these various relationships.

Which major aspect of any relationship needs to be addressed?
In most cases it could be mere dissatisfaction arising due to unfulfilled expectations; or using wrong tools of evaluation; or being indifferent to vital or essential factors of a relationship; or using inappropriate approaches/tools to address specific issues. Or in many cases the adoption of an attitude of getting into judgmental mode and moving on justification journeys.

Relationships need not and mostly cannot refrain from having certain expectations. There is nothing wrong in expectations being an important factor or aspect of a relationship either.

Usual and normal expectations can be defined in very general outline as physical pleasure, sentimental reactions or self pity seeking attitude, emotional joy, mental satisfaction, social status, even satisfying societal obligations, performing religious duties, fulfilling traditional rituals, respecting regional and cultural requirements, concern for environment, caring about health, civilized behavior which means acknowledging facts, accepting variety, tolerating differences etc.

There are varying degrees or intensities of self satisfaction that one can/ may get in one or many or all these areas.

But when expectations of some extraneous considerations, which are not intrinsically important, or form part of the intrinsic fiber or essence of a relationship, become the one and only issue that predominates a relationship over so many other factors that play or may also play a part in a relationship, or taken up as the only priority of a relationship, then, the relationship is either a tool to fulfill that particular consideration or priority, or at best a journey towards that destination. In such a scenario the relationship always carries with it an expiry date or valid till further notice factor and loses any significance by itself or at least gradually loses its charm.

Nothing is eternal, including our life [which incidentally is the main point of reference to everything else]. But certain things leave an imprint for eternity by their significant value and valuable significance that they manifest and the meaning that they inject. Healthy relationships are such factors. This will be evident from people who come from families which were operating with unqualified and unconditional love.

This is why some lives are considered great to be followed as examples, some events are considered important for the positive contributions that they have made to life in general. Such lives and events manifest vibes and vibrations which have a very positive impact or influence.

Every relationship is a many faceted splendor and all the facets together contribute to the splendor, whether it is with persons, books, movies, any art, music, culture, tradition, gadgets, environment, vehicles or anything.
The splendor is revealed depending on what lights we use to see these facets. The bright lights are good attitudes, adjustments, aesthetic appreciation, compromises, collaborations, co-operation, contentment etc and the dark lights are confrontations, control and command mode behavior patterns, ego generated competing, manipulations, scheming, politicizing,hidden agenda, simmering discontent, lurking suspicions, ulterior motives,ingratitude etc   etc

So in most of the circumstances most relationships with persons, issues, environment, things etc are impacted by the light we choose to use to see the splendor. Besides as mentioned at the beginning as per the etymology, relationship is and preferably determined by connectivity and not by any predetermined rule or role.

In addition, the splendor of relationships remain unseen due to ignoring inherent merits specific to the relationship or to the particular situation or issue or individual involved in the relationship, and again as in all other areas using wrong tools of evaluation etc. For example where feeling is involved addressing it or evaluating it with intellectual analysis; where physical pleasure is involved addressing it or evaluating it with social pressures; where intellectual decisions are to be made injecting emotionalism, where compassion is required dealing by whipping up passions etc.

What we are doing in all these issues is as stupid as taking a remote control and pressing different movie channel buttons to watch a sports event that is being telecast in a sports channel and  sometimes even using  a wrong remote control like delving into comparisons, involving unconnected people or aspects etc 

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