Search This Blog

Sunday, January 13, 2013

one liners-4

Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They're a different breed of dog. Josh Billings
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Ambrose Redmoon
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. Andre Gide
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. Edward R. Murrow
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke
Captain is a good traveling name and so I take it.
George Farquhar
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. 
Aldous Huxley
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Tallulah Bankhead
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Joey Adams
Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge.
Patrick Campbell, Mrs.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.
Stella Adler
Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.
Sarah Bernhardt
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it.
Danny Kaye
Life is a wave, which in no two consecutive moments of its existence is composed of the same particles.
John Tyndall
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Logic is in the eye of the logician. Gloria Steinem
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Look back, and smile on perils past.
Walter Scott, Sir
Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost (1874-1963)
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.
Andrew Carnegie
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
Fran Lebowitz
Life is too serious to be taken seriously.
Mike Leonard
Life's to short for chess.
Henry James Byron
Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
Like most endeavors, life is seriously over-advertised and under-funded.
Like most intellectuals, he is immensely stupid.
Marquise de Merteuil
Laws were made to be broken.
Christopher North
Lawyers are... operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.
Jane Bryant Quinn
Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
Sam Levenson
Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.
Tom Landry
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Irvin S. Cobb
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes
Leave the rest to the gods.
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
Winston Bennett , University of Kentucky basketball forward
Just be thankful you're not getting all the government you're paying for.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.
Thomas Edison
Justice is incidental to law and order.
J. Edgar Hoover
Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it.
Samuel Johnson
Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard.
Gene Wolfe
Knowledge is true opinion.
Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Jimi Hendrix
Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability.
Flower A. Newhouse
Language is not only the vehicle of thought, it is a great and efficient instrument in thinking.
Humphrey Davy
Language is the armory of the human mind, and at once contains the trophies of its past and the weapons of its future conquests.
Legend: a lie that has attained the dignity of age.
Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let onion atoms lurk within the bowl, and, scarce-suspected, animate the whole.
Sydney Smith
Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain; With grammar, and nonsense, and learning; Good liquor, I stoutly maintain; Gives genius a better discerning.
Oliver Goldsmith
Let these describe the indescribable.
Lord Byron
Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.
Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Let us permit nature to have her way. She understands her business better than we do.
Michel de Montaigne
Luck is the residue of design.
Branch Rickey
Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Make voyages! Attempt them... there's nothing else.
Tennessee Williams
Making movies is my vacation. All the rest - the traveling about to premiers, the social life, the endless arguments with producers who don't understand me - that is the work.
Federico Fellini , movie director
Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.
Remy De Gourmant
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Many a man has finally succeeded only because he has failed after repeated efforts. If he had never met defeat he would never have known any great victory.
Orison Swett Marden
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
Many people see Eva Peron as either a saint or the incarnation of Satan. That means I definitely can identify with her.
Madonna , defending her suitability to portray Evita in the film version
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.
Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Mechanization best serves mediocrity
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.
Arthur Conan Doyle, Sir
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.
Charles G. Dawes
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Abba Eban (1915- )
Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Men are like wine, some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Pope John XXIII
A man is only as old as the woman he feels
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
Samuel Butler
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
Christopher Hampton
An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
Peter McArthur
All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.
And who so happy, O who; As the Duck and the Kangaroo?
Edward Lear

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness.
Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
John H. Patterson
A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.
1996 Coca-Cola Company annual report
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well.
Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
Erik Pepke
All the people like us are we, And everyone else is They.
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
Judy Garland
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Ronnie Corbett
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.
Frederick Douglas
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
Jake Johanson
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
John A. Shedd
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Evan Esar

A small mind is obstinate. A great mind can lead and be led.
Alexander Cannon
Abandon it.
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) , on being asked how he would go about improving Pittsburgh
About the time we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Herbert Hoover
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Benjamin Disraeli
After the grand jury session, he (Vernon Jordan) told reporters that he answered the questions truthfully and to the best of his ability. Well, come on, which is it?
David Letterman
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.
Daniel Francois Esprit Auber
All adventure is now reactionary.
William F. Buckley, Jr.
All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
George Orwell - Animal Farm
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Haythum R. Khalid
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel
All the people like us are we, And everyone else is They.
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
Donald R. Perry Marquis
Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before.
Edith Warton
Any clod can have the facts; having opinions is an art.
Charles McCabe
Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
Lee Simonson
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles Schultz
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.
Charles Barkley , on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure skating", 1994
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
Abbie Hoffman
A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.
Bruce Friedman
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Sidney Goff
Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.
Colin Powell
Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
William Faulkner
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
Robert Frost (1874-1963)
Don't look back - something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige
Don't stay in bed....unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
Don't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30."
Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
The Duchess of Windsor when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life
For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much."
Anthony Lake , national security advisor, at University of Massachusetts, Amherst, Graduation 1995
If someone offers you a breath mint, accept it.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr. - Life's Little Treasure Book, on wisdom
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Harry S. Truman
In those days he was wiser than he is now; he used to frequently take my advice.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that is the way to bet.
Damon Runyan
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Josh Billings
Never judge a book by its movie.
J. W. Eagan
Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.
Cynthia Heimel
Never moon a werewolf.
Mike Binder
Never practice two vices at once.
Tallulah Bankhead
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
People born to be hanged are safe in water.
Mark Twain (1835-1910) 's Mother
Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Start slow and taper off.
Walt Stack , marathon runner
Strength lies not in defense but in attack.
Adolf Hitler
There are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back.
Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister
There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.'
Carrie Fisher
Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
'Think simple' as my old master used to say - meaning reduce the whole of its parts into the simplest terms, getting back to first principles.
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Trust, but verify.
Ronald Reagan , Former U.S. President
We have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off. If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes.
Cybill Shepherd
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
Well done is better than well said.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
Cynthia Heimel , "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics" in Village Voice
When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Al Capone (1899-1947)
You can outdistance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you.
Rwandan Proverb
You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
W. Somerset Maugham
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Indira Gandhi
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax--tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams
"Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities." (Charles Bukowski)
"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism." (Carl Gustav Jung)
"One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real." (Klaus Kinski)
"Argue for your limitations and they're yours." (Jonathan Livingston Seagull)
"Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels." (Frank Sinatra)
One who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
Lao-Tzu (570?-490? B.C.)
Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers.
Rodan of Alexandria
Only those who attempt the absurd...will achieve the impossible. I think...I think it's in my basement...Let me go upstairs and check.
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
Robert F. Kennedy
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.
Mao Tse-Tung (1893-1976) , Chinese political leader
Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul.
Michel de Montaigne
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary....
Edgar Allen Poe
One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
One can win a war with either atomic weapons or by simply placing a 9mm pistol in the right room.
Nick Lappos
One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty counsels. The thing to do is to supply light and not heat.
Woodrow Wilson
'Contrariwise', continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!'
Lewis Carroll - Alice in Wonderland
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.
Do you spell it with a "V" or a "W"?' inquired the judge. 'That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, my Lord'....
Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
Anton Chekhov
Don't be afraid to take big steps. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
David Lloyd George

Don't ever become a pessimist, Ira; a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun--and neither can stop the march of events.
Robert A. Heinlein - Time Enough For Love
Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
John Wooden
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They're a different breed of dog.
Josh Billings
Don't play dumb. You're not as good at it as I am.
Colonel Flagg - MASH
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Steve Bluestone
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
T. Lehrer
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Ambrose Redmoon
Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
Margaret Thatcher
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
AnonymousBoys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Kin Hubbard
Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Buffalo Bill was a good fellow, and while he was no great shakes as a scout, we had to hand it to him, because he was the only one that had brains enough to make that Wild West stuff pay money.
Teddy Blue Abbott , who worked as a cowboy for Buffalo Bill in his pre-show-business days in the West
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Steven Wright
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
Andre Gide
Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
Christopher Hampton
Beauty is excrescence, superabundance, random ebullience, and sheer delightful waste to be enjoyed in its own right.
Donald Culross Peattie - An Almanac for Moderns
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
Edward R. Murrow
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke
Art is a collaboration between God an the artist, and the less the artist does the better.
Andre Gide
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
Paul Guaguin
Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced.
Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.
Anita Bryant
As for the virtuous poor, one can pity them, of course, but one cannot possibly admire them.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Dick Cavett
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case of divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.
Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Be advised that all flatterers live at the expense of those who listen to them.
Jean de La Fontaine
Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose.
Dan McKinnon
Bureaucrats: they are dead at 30 and buried at 60. They are like custard pies; you can't nail them to a wall
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Can build plane...Delivery about three months.
Donald Hall , Chief engineer, Ryan Airlines, to Charles Lindberg's request for feasibility of the airplane later known as "The Spirit of St. Louis"
Captain is a good travelling name and so I take it.
George Farquhar
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.
Henry Brooks Adams
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Philander Johnson
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
Roman Polanski
Civilization is a progress from an indefinite, incoherent homogeneity toward a definite, coherent heterogeneity.
Herbert Spencer - First Principles
Claremore, Oklahoma is just waiting for a high tension line so they can go ahead with locating an airport.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
Communication with an engineer is only slightly more difficult than communication with the dead.
Lorren 'Rus' Stiles, Sr.
Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!
William Shakespeare - Macbeth
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright
Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
George E. Woodberry
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model.
Vincent van Gogh
Do not write so that you can be understood, write so that you cannot be misunderstood.
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Expressing anger is a form of public littering. ~ Willard Gaylin
Every man I meet is in some way my superior. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway.
For my part, it was Greek to me. ~ William Shakespeare - Julius Caesar
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ~ Fred Allen (1894-1956)
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. ~ Will Rogers (1879-1935)
Half this game is ninety percent mental. ~ Yogi Berra
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. ~ Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Flattery is all right so long as you don't inhale. ~ Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)
Education is not filling a bucket but lighting a fire. ~ William Butler Yeats
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish. ~ Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~ George Burns
Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings. ~ George F. Will , journalist, political commentator, 1994
Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this. ~ Peter Sellers

God has been replaced, as he has all over the West, with respectability and air conditioning. Imamu Amiri Baraka
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. Alfred Jarry
God runs electromagnetic by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.  William Bragg, Sir
Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato (427-347 B.C.)
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Give me a lever long enough, and I shall move the world.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Saint Augustine (354-430)
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) , from An Autobiography, 1932.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Don't play the saxophone. Let it play you.
Charlie Parker
Don't try to tell the customer what he wants. If you want to be smart, be smart in the shower. Then get out, go to work and serve the customer!
Gene Buckley , President, Sikorsky Aircraft
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Alfred Hitchcock
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together....
Carl Zwanzig
Each life makes its own imitation of immortality.
Stephen King
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Rene Descartes (1596-1650) - Discours de la Methode
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Every man wishes to be wise, and they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning.
Samuel Johnson
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Every person takes the limits for their own field of vision for the limits of the world.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
Jonathan Swift
Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire.
Jean de La Fontaine
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
George Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
Charles Caleb Colton
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
W. Somerset Maugham
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.
Arnold H. Glasow
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Extra-marital sex is as overrated as pre-marital sex. And marital sex, come to think of it.
Simon Gray
Exuberance is beauty.
William Blake
Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels.
Farewell, fair cruelty.
William Shakespeare - Twelfth Night
Fast, Cheap, Good: Choose any two.
Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.
Robert G. Ingersoll
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Fiction is the truth inside the lie.
Stephen King
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.
Charles H. Grosvenor
First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.
Michael Caine
Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible.
Simon Newcomb , 1902, eighteen months before Kitty Hawk
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlen
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
Tom Robbins
I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
Isaac Asimov
I don't even know what street Canada is on.
Al Capone (1899-1947)
I don't give a damn what color you are so long as you get out there and kill those sonsofbitches in green suits!
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945) , greeting a Negro battalion, April 9, 1945
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
I don't remember anybody's name. How do you think the "dahling" thing got started?
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
James Thurber
Humor is a universal language.
Joel Goodman
I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
Jean Louis Agassiz
I could be president of Sikorsky for six months before they found me out, but the president would only have my job for six seconds before he'd kill himself.
Walter R. 'Dick' Faull , Test pilot
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Robert Benchley
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Clarence Darrow , Scopes trial, in 1925.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
Hurrah, boys! We've got them!
Geo Custer, General , battle of the Little Big Horn
I always get what I want because I always want what I get.
Tim Bischoff
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from humans.
I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)
How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?
Arthur Conan Doyle, Sir - The Sign of Four
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Martin Mull
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Richard Bach
Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself.
Andrew Carnegie - Epitaph
Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
Michael Levine - Lessons at the Halfway Point
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
Mae West (1892-1980)
Heresy is another word for freedom of thought.
Graham Greene
Heroes have an infinite capacity for stupidity. Thus are legends born!
He would make a lovely corpse.
Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
William Congreve (1670-1729)
Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.
His ignorance is encyclopedic.
Abba Eban (1915- )
History is a set of lies agreed upon.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history.
Clarence Darrow
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Abba Eban (1915- )
Hold the fort, for I am coming.
Philip Bliss
Honesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man.
Richard Whately , Archbishop of Dublin
Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right.
Laurens van der Post
I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
I am responsible only to God and history.
Francisco Franco
I am the emperor, and I want dumplings.
Ferdinand I
I am... a mushroom, On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.
John Ford , movie director
I bear a charmed life.
William Shakespeare - Macbeth
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
G. K. Chesterton
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
I love being a writer, what I can't stand is the paperwork.
Peter DeVries
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Douglas Adams
I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.
Theodor S. Geisel , AKA Dr. Seuss
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) , when asked what is his favorite song
I wanted revenge; I wanted to dance on the graves of a few people who made me unhappy. It's a pretty infantile way to go through life - I'll show them - but I've done it, and I've got more than I ever dreamed of.
Anthony Hopkins , Actor, on Stardom
I wants to make your flesh creep.
Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
I was an equal opportunity eater. Every ethnic group got a shot.
Bill Clinton , who sampled jerk chicken, cheeseburgers, egg roll, barbecued pork, pirogi, tandoori chicken and cheese corn bread at the recent Taste of Chicago
I was crazy back when being crazy really meant something.
Charles Manson
I was so ugly when I was born; the doctor slapped my mother.
Henny Youngman
I will praise any man that will praise me.
William Shakespeare - Antony and Cleopatra
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
I will praise any man that will praise me.
William Shakespeare - Antony and Cleopatra
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.
E. B. White
I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.
Jane Siberry
I'd rather bathe lepers than be interviewed by the press.
Mother Teresa
Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple, learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.
John Steinbeck
I think it would be a good idea.
Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) , when asked what he thought of Western civilization
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
Orson Welles
I plan to accumulate as many shoes as Imelda Marcos while cultivating an aura of virtue exceeding that of Mother Theresa.
Seen in a .signature file
I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.
Wayne Gretzky
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Thomas Watson (1874-1956) , Chairman of IBM, 1943
I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.
George Bird Evans
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West (1892-1980)
I strive to be brief, and I become obscure.
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.
Don Mazankowski , former Candian Minister of Finance
I think Ms. Monroe's architecture is extremely good architecture
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest.
Alexandre Dumas
I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
I said that if people tell you your mother is not prime minister anymore, you just turn around and say, 'So what? How often has your mother been prime minister?'
Benazir Bhutto , Former Pakistani Prime Minister recounting advice she gave her children
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
Ashleigh Brilliant
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
I must place on record my regret that the human race ever learned to fly.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy.
Bern Williams
I guess this is the week I earn my pay.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) , during the Cuban missile crisis
I had ambition, by which sin The angels fell; I climbed, and step by step, oh Lord, Ascended into Hell
W. H. Davies - Ambition
I had the ambition to not only go farther than man had gone before, but to go as far as it was possible to go.
Captain Cook , on his voyage to the Pacific in Endeavor
I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
I hate mankind, for I think myself to be one of them, and I know how bad I am.
Samuel Johnson
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
John Locke (1632-1704
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
I have completed a monument more lasting than brass.
I have read your book and much like it.
Moses Hadas (1900-1966) , book reviewer
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) , when was informed that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
Bill Hoest
I just really liked her.
James Wilson , fifteen-year-old, who traveled from Illinois to Massachusetts by bike, bus and foot to seek out a girl he had met on the Internet - only to be caugh
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
John Cleese , Monty Python, British comedy television show
If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan it properly.
Nick Lappos
I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen (1935- )
I'm defeated and I know it, if I meet any human being from whom I find myself unable to learn anything.
George Herbert Palmer
I'm not against the police; I'm just afraid of them.
Alfred Hitchcock
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Imagine a school with children that can read or write, but with teachers who can not, and you have a metaphor of the Information Age in which we live.
Peter Cochrane
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
Steven Wright
Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
English Proverb
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
Edward P. Tryon
In any closet, you can find it, if it is too small, or out of style, or there is just one of it where there should be two. I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it.
Anonymous English Professor
In my end is my beginning.
T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)
In my family, the biggest sin was to buy retail.
Woody Allen (1935- )
In my opinion nothing occurs contrary to nature except the impossible, and that never occurs.
Galileo Galilei , in 1638
In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
In short, the habits we form from childhood make no small difference, but rather they make all the difference.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
Kathy Norris
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!
Orson Welles
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams
In the course of your work, you will from time to time encounter the situation where the facts and the theory do not coincide. In such circumstances, young gentlemen, it is my earnest advice to respect the facts.
Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971) , in a lecture to junior engineers
I'm not Jacko, I'm Jackson... 'Wacko Jacko' - Where did that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings. I feel that when you do that to me, it's not nice.
Michael Jackson , in an interview on ABC News programme 20/20
I'm not the public.
Lauren Bacall , on being told that a store was not open to the public
I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
Edward Chilton
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Jules de Gaultier
If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
Katherine Hepburn
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.
Jack Nicholson , Actor
If you think before you speak the other guy gets its joke in first.
If you want a thing done well, do it yourself.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
If you want to be happy, be.
Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
If you want to commit suicide you can use my razor; it's electric, but you can hang yourself with the cord.
Haythum R. Khalid
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Carl Sagan
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
I'll moider da bum.
Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento , when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare
I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later.
Miles Davis
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Warren Zevon
Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.
Sigmund Freud
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
If a man does his best, what else is there?
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)
If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.
If a man is considered guilty for what goes on in his mind, give me the electric chair for all my future crimes.
Artist formerly known as Prince
If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist.
Michael Patton
If a place needs helicopters, it's probably not worth visiting.
Nick Lappos
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
John Kenneth Galbraith
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Paul Beatty
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If I had kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't be here.
Sign under a mounted fish
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Mickey Mantle
If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression.
Haythum R. Khalid
If I'd known it was going to be a classic, I would have paid attention.
Julius Epstein , Screen writer of Casablanca
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought.
Dennis Roch
If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it's a woman, it's caustic; if it's a man, it's authoritative.
Barbara Walters
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing pole.
Doug Larson
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
Eilliam Feather
If pleasures are greatest in anticipation, just remember that this is also true of trouble.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
If the king's english was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
Ma Ferguson , Former Governor of Texas
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.
Paul Harvey
If we do not find anything very pleasant, at least we shall find something new.
Voltaire (1694-1778)
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
J. Danforth Quayle
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Vince Lombardi
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)
If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.
Leo Rosten
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.
If you believe that, I've got some land I want to sell you.
Bill Clinton , after golfer Greg Norman told reporters that the president was beating him in a golf game in Sydney
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
Lin Yutang
If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
Virginia Woolf
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.
Voltaire (1694-1778)
It's not peace I want, not mere contentment. It's boundless joy and ecstasy for me.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Scott Elledge , Professor , on his retirement from Cornell
It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god.
Seneca (3 B.C. - 65 A.D.)
It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
Clive James
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous.
Robert Benchley
It was during the glory years (of IBM), its years of greatest profit and greatest admiration , that it was making the mistakes that sowed the billions of dollars of losses that came later.
Bill Gates (1955- ) , Microsoft Founder, Playboy, 1994
It was involuntary. They sank my boat.
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) , when asked how he became a Navy hero
It was the best butter.
Lewis Carroll
It would be nice, occasionally, if the target costs less than the bullet you shoot.
Mike Boorda, Admiral , Chief of Naval Operations, 1996
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
Blues Brothers
It's a damned long, boggy, dirty, dangerous way.
Oliver Goldsmith
It is our duty as men and women to proceed as though the limits of our abilities do not exist.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
In the long run men hit only what they aim at.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
In the name of peace, we kill each other. In the name of religion, we kill each other. So we decided to laugh at that.
Nabil Sawaiha , Jordanian comedian, on the cabaret act he and a partner wrote and performed in Tel Aviv - the first production by a troupe from an Arab country ever
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
Yogi Berra
It is much more comforable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
G. B. Burgin
It is my supposition that the Universe in not only queerer than we imagine, is queerer than we CAN imagine.
J. B. S. Haldane
It is not necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paper work, and the other is nostalgia.
Frank Zappa
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Richard J. Ferris , President of United Airlines
It is no longer my moral duty as a human being to achieve an integrated and unitary set of explanations for my thoughts and feelings.
Bronwyn Davies
It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce.
Voltaire (1694-1778)
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Gore Vidal
In this business, by the time you realize you're in trouble, it's too late to save yourself. Unless you're running scared all the time, you're gone.
Bill Gates (1955- ) , Microsoft Founder, 1994
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.
Paul Harvey
In Yankee Stadium, it gets late early.
Yogi Berra
Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.
Voltaire (1694-1778)
Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best.
Frank Zappa
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
Intellectual brilliance is no guaranty against being dead wrong.
David Fasold
Into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
Investigation may be likened to the long months of pregnancy, and solving a problem to the day of birth. To investigate a problem is, indeed, to solve it.
Mao Tse-Tung (1893-1976) , Chinese political leader
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
Russell Baker
Is it partly cloudy or partly clear, over the lake?
Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
William Safire
I's wicked - I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow. I can't help it.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.
Cincinnati Enquirer
It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald , WWII Marine volunteer
It has been a bitter mortification for me to digest the conclusion that the 'race is for the strong' and that I shall probably do little more but be content to admire the strides others made in science.
Charles Darwin
It is a good day to die! Strong hearts to the front, weak hearts to the rear!
Crazy Horse , battle of the Little Big Horn
It is a lovely thing to live with courage, and to die leaving behind everlasting renown.
Alexander The Great
It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth.' and so it goes away. Puzzling.
Robert M. Pirsig
It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Harry S. Truman
It is better to be high-spirited even though one makes more mistakes, than to be narrow-minded and all to prudent.
Vincent van Gogh
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Tom Stoppard
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
It is better to shoot for the stars and miss than aim at the gutter and hit it.
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.
Samuel Johnson
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) - The Physiology of Marriage, 1829
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)
It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations.
Walter Bagehot - Biographical Studies
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
William G. McAdoo
It is true that liberty is precious, so precious that it must be rationed.
Nikolai Lenin
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
It isn't what they say about you; it's what they whisper.
Errol Flynn
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.
Arthur C. Clarke
It revolts me but I do it!
W. S. Gilbert, Sir
It takes a long time to understand nothing.
Edward Dahlberg
It takes great cleverness to be able to conceal one's cleverness.
Francois de La Rouchefoucald , Duc de La Rouchefoucald
It takes less time to do a thing right than explain why you did it wrong.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.
Albert Camus
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
It's great to be young and insane.
Michael Keaton - Dream Team
It's more than a game. It's an institution.
Thomas Hughes
It's not over until it's over.
Yogi Berra

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.
Millard Fuller
It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work -- the night watchman.
Tallulah Bankhead
It's one of those New York questions, like "why don't you ever see baby pigeons?"
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates (470-399 B.C.)
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Kin Hubbard
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
Tallulah Bankhead
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Ron Nesen
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
Nothing unites the English like war. Nothing divides them like Picasso.
Hugh Mills
Nothing would please the Kremlin more than to have the people of this country choose a second rate president.
Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994) , Former U.S. President
No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
Henry Brooks Adams
Mingle some brief folly with your wisdom.
Never touch a butterfly's wing with your finger.
Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved.
Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
Oh, how fine it is to know a thing or two.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
John Kenneth Galbraith
Nothing is so aggravating than calmness.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)
Nothing like a little judicious levity.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot.
Number 3 pencils and quadrille pads.
Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) , when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the lines were not so dominant.
Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are.
Henry Fielding
My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it as it is and why it exists as all.
Stephen Hawking
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
Jesse Jackson
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
No one ever gets far unless he accomplishes the impossible at least once a day.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theismann , football commentator and former player
Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable.
James Baldwin - Nobody Knows My Name, 1961
Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.
Kin Hubbard
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
Nothing else in the world...not all the so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
Victor Hugo
Nothing endures but change.
Nothing good ever ends.
William Saroyan
Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone.
Jorge Luis Borges
Nothing is comprehensible except by virtue of its edges.
Indian Proverb
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.
Henry Ford (1863-1947)
No one should drive a hard bargain with an artist.
Ludwig von Beethoven
No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
David O. McKay - Encyclopedia of Mormonism, Advice to parents at General Conference of the LDS Church, April, 1964
No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory, no glory; no cross, no crown.
William Penn
No Sane man will dance.
Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
No stream rises higher than its source. What ever man might build could never express or reflect more than he was. He could record neither more nor less than he had learned of life when the buildings were built.
Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Never mistake motion for action.
Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame-thrower.
Bruce Feirstein
Newspapers are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
Next week there can't be any crisis. My schedule is already full.
Henry Kissinger (1923- )
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.
Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.
Rabindranath Tagore
Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love.
M. Scott Peck
No aptitude at all for long division, but never mind. It's him they ask to split the atom. How he talked his way into the Nobel prize is beyond me. But then, I suppose it's like the man says, 'It's not what you know...'
Karl Arbeiter , Former teacher of Albert Einstein
No doubt, a scientist isn't necessarily penalized for being a complex, versatile, eccentric individual with lots of extra-scientific interests. But it certainly doesn't help him a bit.
Stephen Toulmin
No good deed goes unpunished.
Clare Boothe Luce
No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main.
John Donne - Meditation XVII
No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
Joyce Brothers
No one but a fool would measure their satisfaction by what the world thinks of it.
Oliver Goldsmith
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)

No comments: