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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Laws, funny laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to
use the bathroom.
2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when
dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you
will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster than the one you
are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in
water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting
someone you know increases dramatically when you are with
someone you don’t want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that
a machine won’t work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the
people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last,
and they are the ones who will leave their seats several
times to go for food, drink, or the bathroom and who leave
early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
Those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have
long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end
of the performance and beyond. The aisle people also are
very surly folk.
12. The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will
last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people
in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced
jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are
directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you
don’t know what you are talking about.
16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit,
they’re ugly.
17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers
no feet.
18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon
as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
making it.
19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well and make an
appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there
you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll
stay sick.

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