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Saturday, September 5, 2015

Relationships- The fundamental why and how of relationships

There are thousands of stories and real life examples, in many cases within our own families. But in practicality, unfortunately, especially in the present generation where there is more aberration, pompous celebration and selfie adoration, momentary attraction etc real feelings and values have take a back seat. All relationships are causality in these circumstances.

Many people have different views and approaches to what they want to be used for, preferences as to by whom they want to be used and why they want to be used, even if  such usage is demeaning or degrading or outright criminal and immoral  under normal circumstances.

The perspective has veered away from being useful to being used; from being part of a relationship to remaining apart without active participation; from being co-operative and coordinating to complaining, comparing or competing.

Meanings of most relationships have become demeaning. That’s why we see the institution of families which used to function despite  all the fights, difference of opinions, irritations, hypocritical and atrocious one sided compromises etc have been replaced with more homes for the aged, more baby care/day care centers,  more divorce courts, more murders by paramours, some remedial steps like more step parents etc.

The whole fabric of human life as a social being beyond a mere biological creature hinges on the value of relationship and the ability to value relationships.

Very cruel and brutal animals in human forms leave their children in dust bins and disappear; some leave their parents in old age homes and leave.

I am neither passing any judgment on anything as right or wrong nor am I holding any individual of any gender responsible for the situation we are in. Nor am I blaming any life style imperatives for these sorry states of affairs.

But I can clearly say it is a sorry state of affairs and unless and until every individual peeps into the consciousness, has clarity about the priorities in choices and commitments with regard to relationships human life will decay further and more and more crimes will crop up than contributors to welfare of family, society, humanity etc.

Besides everyone is more bothered about getting their expectations, reasonable, exaggerated and with measures of expectations which are variable from time to time according to what or with whom the comparisons take place.

Everyone one is expected to have good looks and complexion as per certain yardsticks, work in a respectable post or position, earn a lot, own a business, available for all domestic activities , must not entertain any hobby that does not fetch revenue or is not liked by the others etc.

In some cases people would be more happy if they lived in malls with unlimited credit card; In some cases a perennially open bars or pubs; In some cases always rolling in bed with some flesh contact; In some cases at ATM outlet which pours out currency notes nonstop; Sometimes a bouquet vendor who delivers bouquets everyday to satisfy attention seeking addiction; Sometimes a cook who cooks very nice tasty food every six hours; Sometimes expected to be like a tourist cab owner , whose profession is to keep on, visiting some tourist spots; Sometimes a baby sitter who can take care of the babies; Sometimes a very traditional or orthodox religious person who is meticulous about observing all rituals; Sometimes a model who dresses always as if to pose for a photo shoot; Expected to participate in all social, family and regional obligations as prescribed etc.

Relationships are spoiled by allowing many extraneous things/in some cases people to creep in and also by our own creepy attitude.

Primarily a sense of caring, sharing and compassion must be fundamental part of all relationships everywhere, be it in the family, work place or society. These must be accompanied with honest concern and communication.

I am talking about the basics of all types of normal or ordinary relationships in general and not extremes of lust lorries or lovely relationships.

Involvement is not interference; being bothered about what someone related to you is not prying but concern. Proper and normal verbal communication and basic emotional understanding is enough to strengthen relationship. To know and do all these we do not need any religious or cultural teachings and preaching.

It is stupid saying that familiarity breeds contempt, it can probably initiate attempt in some cases but in most cases it leads to better understanding and reciprocal admiration, help etc.  I was very familiar with my parents as long as they were alive for some decades and I was also doing many things that they would have never wanted me to do but there was never any contempt on either side.

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