Relationships
What they
are? And why blossom into beautiful journeys? why they fail?
Why they are
pleasing as well puzzling?
Why they are
a pleasure as well as a problem?
Why they are
important in life?
Etymologically
with various possibilities, it referred to some act of connecting and/or communicating, whether we take it from
Anglo-French ‘relacioum’ meaning ‘act of telling’ or Old French ‘relacion’ meaning ‘connection’ or from Latin ‘relationem’ meaning ‘a bringing back’ or ‘proposition’ or ‘relatus’ meaning ‘person related by blood or
marriage’.
From these
basic meanings it has migrated magnificently broad enough to connote and include
a very wide spectrum of connectivity starting from physical to metaphysical,
psychological to social to spiritual etc.
So
definitely the word Relationship must not
be confined to the arc of mating radar.
Life is never fulfilled with
unfulfilled relationships within the family, with others in the society, with
the environment, with the many sciences, subjects, systems that we come across
which are useful to us, used by us or we are used by them and so on. So, the
quality of life is the manifestation of the quality of the inter play of these
various relationships.
Which major aspect of any
relationship needs to be addressed?
In most cases it could be mere
dissatisfaction arising due to unfulfilled expectations; or using wrong tools
of evaluation; or being indifferent to vital or essential factors of a
relationship; or using inappropriate approaches/tools to address specific issues.
Or in many cases the adoption of an attitude of getting into judgmental mode
and moving on justification journeys.
Relationships
need not and mostly cannot refrain from having certain expectations. There is
nothing wrong in expectations being an important factor or aspect of a
relationship either.
Usual and
normal expectations can be defined in very general outline as physical
pleasure, sentimental reactions or self pity seeking attitude, emotional joy,
mental satisfaction, social status, even satisfying societal obligations,
performing religious duties, fulfilling traditional rituals, respecting
regional and cultural requirements, concern for environment, caring about
health, civilized behavior which means acknowledging facts, accepting variety, tolerating
differences etc.
There are
varying degrees or intensities of self satisfaction that one can/ may get in
one or many or all these areas.
But when
expectations of some extraneous considerations, which are not intrinsically
important, or form part of the intrinsic fiber or essence of a relationship, become
the one and only issue that predominates a relationship over so many other
factors that play or may also play a part in a relationship, or taken up as the
only priority of a relationship, then, the relationship is either a tool to
fulfill that particular consideration or priority, or at best a journey towards
that destination. In such a scenario the relationship always carries with it an
expiry date or valid till further notice factor and loses any significance by
itself or at least gradually loses its charm.
Nothing is
eternal, including our life [which incidentally is the main point of reference
to everything else]. But certain things leave an imprint for eternity by their
significant value and valuable significance that they manifest and the meaning
that they inject. Healthy relationships are such factors. This will be evident
from people who come from families which were operating with unqualified and
unconditional love.
This is why
some lives are considered great to be followed as examples, some events are
considered important for the positive contributions that they have made to life
in general. Such lives and events manifest vibes and vibrations which have a
very positive impact or influence.
Every relationship
is a many faceted splendor and all the facets together contribute to the
splendor, whether it is with persons, books, movies, any art, music, culture,
tradition, gadgets, environment, vehicles or anything.
The splendor
is revealed depending on what lights we use to see these facets. The bright lights
are good attitudes, adjustments, aesthetic appreciation, compromises,
collaborations, co-operation, contentment etc and the dark lights are
confrontations, control and command mode behavior patterns, ego generated competing,
manipulations, scheming, politicizing,hidden agenda, simmering discontent, lurking suspicions, ulterior motives,ingratitude etc etc
So in most
of the circumstances most relationships with persons, issues, environment,
things etc are impacted by the light we choose to use to see the splendor.
Besides as mentioned at the beginning as per the etymology, relationship is and
preferably determined by connectivity and not by any predetermined rule or role.
In addition,
the splendor of relationships remain unseen due to ignoring inherent merits
specific to the relationship or to the particular situation or issue or
individual involved in the relationship, and again as in all other areas using
wrong tools of evaluation etc. For example where feeling is involved addressing
it or evaluating it with intellectual analysis; where physical pleasure is
involved addressing it or evaluating it with social pressures; where
intellectual decisions are to be made injecting emotionalism, where compassion
is required dealing by whipping up passions etc.
What we are
doing in all these issues is as stupid as taking a remote control and pressing different
movie channel buttons to watch a sports event that is being telecast in a
sports channel and sometimes even
using a wrong remote control like
delving into comparisons, involving unconnected people or aspects etc
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