father's love

A father's love -- or the lack of it -- contributes as much to the development of a child's personality and behavior as the love of a mother, according to researchers. In some respects, they add, a father's love is even more influential.
Probably the most important and most surprising finding of all is that the importance of mother love seems to drop out altogether in some of the analyses.

The researchers reviewed almost 100 US and European studies investigating the effects of parenting on the psychology and behavior of children as they grew older. The earliest study was conducted in 1949, and the most recent was completed in 2001.

They report that the degree of acceptance or rejection a child receives -- and perceives -- from his or her father appears to affect his or her development as deeply as the presence or absence of a mother's love.

They note that the withholding of love by either the mother or the father is equally connected to a child's lack of self-esteem, emotional instability, withdrawal, depression and anxiety. And the risk of developing problems with aggression, drug and alcohol abuse, and delinquency was equally related to a child's rejection or acceptance by either parent.

The investigators also found that having the love and nurturing of either parent has an equally positive effect on a child's happiness, well-being and social and academic success from early childhood through young adulthood.

The team further found that in certain instances, the love of a father plays an even more important role than that of the mother. Many studies found a father's love to be the sole determining factor when it came to a child's problems with personality, conduct, delinquency or substance abuse.

The researchers don't want to suggest that a mother's love is less important than the love of a father. The research reveals an American cultural bias to overemphasize the role the mother plays in raising her children, at the expense of understanding and appreciating the equally crucial role of the father.

In certain aspects, father's love seems to have a particularly strong influence. So it seems clear that we have to move away from mother-bashing: assuming somehow that the mother is completely at fault for all the problems of her kids. And, hopefully, this information will encourage fathers all over the country to become more involved with their kids.

Review of General Psychology December 2001;5:382-405

Dr. Mercola's Comments:

It is a sad tragedy if dad's are not able to emotionally invest in their children. Many of us have not had the experience of our father's love and, as a result, are challenged with complications in our adult life.

The key is prevention, so if you are a dad please take this message seriously and do whatever it takes to love your children authentically. It will go a long way towards their future health and happiness.

Many of us reading this will not have a choice of changing the love we received from our fathers. If this is an issue for you I have found that EFT is a helpful tool to help one forgive, understand and accept whatever type of treatment that was received from your parents.

Not forgiving someone, especially one's parents is a potentially dangerous position to be in. Somewhat like swallowing poison and expect the other person to die.

Not forgiving someone does absolutely nothing to hurt the other person, but does a boatload of harm to you.